Dirtbag Day 28

Austin Haedicke bio photo By Austin Haedicke

Having been a full fledged dirtbag for a month now I feel qualified to make such a list in the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy’s "You might be a redneck if..." jokes. All of the below are true events / observations that have occurred in the past month. If you’d like to add to the list, shoot me an email at southeastdirtbag@gmail.com with the subject line “You might be a dirtbag”. So, without further delay, here we go.

You might be a dirtbag if…

  • You refill your chalk pot more often than you do laundry.

  • You know which public restrooms in a 10 mile radius have the best toilet paper.

  • You had more days at the crag than showers last week.

  • You’ve had more flappers than showers in the last week.

  • You understand and completely relate to the hashtag tradshinanigans.

  • You kow the business hours of every place in town you can mooch WiFi and AC… and which staff members to avoid.

  • You change campsites more often than you change undies.

  • You’re on a first name basis with both the Park Ranger and the Wal-Mart staff.

  • Instead of reading a newspaper you read your guidebooks each morning… again.

  • You’ve sold nearly all your worldly possessions to fund a trad rack and / or backpacking gear.

  • You’ve ever referred to the mountain approach as your driveway.

  • You’ve considered relocating for a job and the first thing you do is check the map on Mountain Project to scope the climbing scene.

  • You unashamedly “style” your hair with chalk, sweat, and a trucker hat.

  • You’ve snidely been told “we don’t have a public restroom” and, with a straight face, replied, “Okay, I’ll ** in the parking lot.”

  • You’ve gone to get fingerprinted for a job and the staff curse the abundance of “scar tissue” on your fingertips.

  • You’ve had to talk to the police in your underwear and explain why you’re sleeping in a parking lot.